One of the more annoying cliches that has arisen in the last few years is “just stay positive.” It has almost become a mantra for the mindless cheery. I’m not even sure what being “positive” means anymore. Just say happy words like love and puppies and blueberries? Being “positive,” whatever it might have originally meant, I think has degenerated into “all you have to do is think good thoughts and good things will happen.” In other words don’t use your brain to try and figure out what to do next. Just say the happy words and keep that smile on your face. Supposedly if you even acknowledge that the present situation is not very good you are just putting negativity out there. I have worked with people dealing with serious and sometimes terminal illnesses. I have actually heard people say to them that if they just stay positive they can beat anything. No you can’t. Sometimes you lose, period. Do you know anyone two hundred years old still walking around? I don’t. We go. Positive or not we go. If you have lost money during this economic downturn just being “positive” and saying happy words or mindless platitudes isn’t going to bring it back. Think about it this way. If you’re driving down the road and you hear some strange sounds coming out of your car are you just going to think happy thoughts or maybe you might take your car in for a check-up.
Look, obviously I’m not saying that we should sit around and be as negative as we can, get depressed together, and spend most of our time complaining, though we do seem to like to do that in spite of the think positive movement. What I am saying is that we should not confuse this empty, mindless and baseless positive attitude schtick with an attitude that is truly positive because it is based on strength and in a belief in yourself.
First we have to understand that a true attitude is like a philosophy of life. It is more than just words, it is a way of understanding how you define life and your relationship to it. Do you think there is a difference between somebody who says life is a bitch and at the end you die, and someone who says life is a grand adventure? I said that at one of my presentations and someone in the audience said, “Yeah. The person who says life is a grand adventure is either independently wealthy or stoned.” I responded that though that was a funny line it was a cynical line. I have been in hospital rooms with people who were dying and they had a better “attitude” than anyone else in the room. Their spirits were alive though their bodies were not doing very well. This was not about happy words. This was coming from a deep place within them. Some were religious and some were not, but there was a deep belief about themselves and life that helped them through this very difficult time.
Jim Campbell in his wonderful book, “ Good to Great,” talks about James Stockdale who was the highest ranking officer held as a prisoner in North Vietnam. He was held for eight years. It was obviously a brutal situation. He did a lot of things to help his men keep their morale up and keep a sense of unity between them. When asked what the difference was between the people who “made it” and didn’t make it especially from a psychological point of view he responded that the ones who didn’t make it were the optimists. I love to say that in my talks because almost always there is a gasp and very puzzled looks in the audience. Obviously you have to define your words. For him the “optimists” were the ones who would say, “We’ll be out of here by Christmas.” When that didn’t happen they went to Easter and then Thanksgiving etc. He said they died of a broken heart. What they were actually doing was employing the empty minded optimism that I mentioned at the beginning of this article. They had no basis for their statements. It just sounded good. Eventually it collapsed on them.
Stockdale was basically saying that he would not participate in that type of optimism. He had no idea when they were getting out of there. He acknowledged that the situation was horrible but he was firm in his belief that he would not be defeated. He truly believed he would get out of there and that the way he handled that situation would define him for the rest of his life. He was constantly strategizing ways to stay in control. I also believe that if they had taken him out to shoot him one of his last thoughts would have been that they did not defeat him. This was not a “happy words” philosophy. This was a powerful belief in himself and in life. Collins calls this the Stockdale paradox - acknowledge the dire situation but believe that you have the resources to triumph. I don’t actually think that is a paradox. I do think it goes against the grain of the empty minded optimists, the think positive group. I think Stockdale’s approach is the only thing that makes sense. You have to acknowledge the situation before you can deal with it. Denying what is going on keeps you stuck. You can’t change it if you don’t see it or admit it.
If you are going to deal with this economic crisis successfully you must take the time to rethink how you look at yourself and how you look at life in general. Write down your strengths even the ones that don’t necessarily seem pertinent to the present situation. Write down other crises that you have weathered and analyze what you did that helped. Look at your bad habits or tendencies and develop strategies to offset them. For example if there are certain people you hang out with and you tend to just get miserable together either do something else with those people or don’t hang out with them anymore. Find some rituals for yourself that help you regain some inner peace, or courage, or inspiration. Your strategies might be very different from mine. Maybe you have a certain Bible quote you like or a poem or some Mozart. It doesn’t matter. If they help you use them. Define what a successful resolution to this situation looks like to you. Make sure you take the time to rekindle your spirit. I will go into this in more depth in other articles but it is not enough to merely survive. You have to find ways to thrive.
