Thoughts on Living and Dying

You need to know you have it before you can distribute it

Most of us have occasionally thought, “If only I had a lot of money, I would give a big chunk of it to some deserving entity.” But since we know we don’t have that kind of money we just accept the fact that we can’t give away what we don’t have. If however you discovered a hidden cache, you would probably be excited to give some of it to your good cause. The key element here is that you needed to know you had it before you could give it away.

Before you distribute your good, you have to know what your good is. What do you really have to offer? In our society expertise is often held up as the highest good. Is it? If someone is in pain or struggling and you can’t “fix” their problem, do you really have nothing good left to distribute? How about your silence, your integrity, your peace, perhaps even your own confusion of what to do but that you want to do something – you care. 

Do you value those things as good? We say we do but many times we don’t behave that way. “I just can’t face her. I don’t know what to say.” Are magical words the “good” we are looking to distribute? “It’ll be OK.” “Everything happens for a reason.” We are more than willing to share clichés because we don’t know the real good we have to share. How about our humanity, our own sense of vulnerability, our own fears? Many people would ask, “That’s good?” I say it is. I say it is better than magical words and expertise. I say our realness is our good… our willingness to keep going and searching and believing even when we struggle and we doubt. I say the good we distribute is not about answers. It is about our willingness to share the journey with each other, to walk through that valley and hold each others hand. What do you think? 

Possibility

With all the articles and books and coaches and gurus out there I think one thing is often overlooked - the importance of people being able to see the possibility of what can be. This might be the possibility of what they can do or what they can become or how they can be different than they are now. I worked in substance abuse for years. There are no people that I respect more than recovering people. It is incredibly difficult on so many levels. And what has to happen, at the beginning of this whole process of change and recovery, while the person is still struggling with the alcohol or other drug induced hazes, is that the person has to see, if even for a second, the possibility that it can be different. They have to see the possibility that they can be different. It might not take root right away but it starts somewhere. 

To see that little flicker of a flame and keep it alive through incredible hardships most of which they brought on themselves and inflicted on their loved ones is an amazing feat. It gives truth to the possibility that we can change. Sometimes that belief in possibility comes because we see someone else doing it. The beauty of AA rests in that fact. People see that sobriety is not a pipe dream. They hear stories from people who were a mess. They get support from people that just awhile ago were totally screwed up. 

In terms of business success, possibility has to be developed and nurtured. A person sees something that they can do that can make a difference and that people will want and appreciate. Obviously a lot of work has to come after the awareness of possibility, but without the possibility all the work in the world won’t make a difference. That’s why people beginning businesses have to have business plans. It makes them focus the possibility and minimizes the chance that possibility will get lost in the vagueness of what is trying to be accomplished. Somebody who is trying to get sober doesn’t muddy the water with trying to make other personal changes at the same time. They are focused. 

On a personal level, possibility, I believe, is at the deepest core of who we are. I think it is there for everyone but we have to be open to acknowledge it. Sometimes it is almost beaten out of us as we grow up. “You’ll never amount to anything.” “Face it. You’re a loser.” “I always mess things up.”  “This economy is too messed up, and that business idea will never work.” If we eliminate possibility we kill our spirit.

To make possibility come alive we have to notice and nurture our strengths. If all we notice is our shortcomings that’s all we notice! There’s obviously nothing wrong with improving areas that need improving, but we have to acknowledge our strengths. These strengths can run the gamut from good with numbers to being kind. I’m not talking sainthood. I’m talking strengths. If people like many of the recovering people I worked with can find that possibility of discovering their strengths when those strengths seem to be well out of sight, any of us can do it. 

Again I don’t care where your strength and your insight comes from. If you call it God, great. The Universe, great. A powerful psychological streak, great. Just find it. And don’t tell me it’s not possible.