Thoughts on Living and Dying

Persistence is a friend of mine

Persistence (is a friend of mine)

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Most people become discouraged from time to time. Sometimes that discouragement can be crippling. When that happens, when we seem to be failing or when things seem to be going against us we need more than a slogan or a platitude. We need a friend. We need someone who reminds us that we can succeed and that we have what it takes. My point in the song is that persistence itself can be a friend.

Obviously a real “flesh and bone” friend would be a real advantage but sometimes we don’t feel that we have one or that our friends are the people letting us down or that we don’t want to bother them. Now obviously not asking for help when we need it is a strategy that has a lot of problems. However when a person has been burned in the past, maybe they asked for help and got rejected, it can be tough to go back to that well. I’m not saying that they shouldn’t reach out again. I am saying that at least having that ongoing friend, persistence, that is really working from the inside out and that won’t reject us, can get us over a hump or get us through a tough stretch. This persistence is more than just a stick-to-it-iveness. It is ultimately our belief in ourselves. Persistence is more than just being stubborn. Persistence becomes a strength and type of wisdom. It is our guide.

When used wisely, persistence helps us discern the difference between futilely continuing on a path that isn’t working and understanding what might be the problem. Persistence is about the small mid-course corrections that might be needed as well as just “keeping on keeping on.” Persistence becomes that small voice that also reminds us that the day is getting short and that we need to find the right trail and get on it. It reminds us when we start to beat up ourselves or when we want to blame others for stopping us that that type of thinking will not help us reach our goal. Most people have heard that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Persistence, this friend of ours, helps us avoid that trap. It encourages us to make the changes we need to make so that our journey is a successful one. 

From the strength perspective, persistence is like a muscle. The less we use it the weaker it gets. The more we use it the better developed it gets. All of us, kids and adults, need to have little projects where we might not be totally excited about the project or where it might be difficult but we continue on it until it is done. A few success stories, and by success I don’t necessarily mean winning but rather just finishing or completing something helps us see that persistence is an important muscle. We do feel stronger physically, emotionally and spiritually when we know we hung in there. We took part. We committed to the task. In many ways persistence is a self-worth muscle. When we finish something that was difficult to do, or when we overcome something that was knocking us down we feel good about ourselves. We tap into something deep inside of ourselves. We feel more self-reliant and yet we can ask for help because persistence reminds us that asking for help can be just one more strategy for getting the job done.

Be there for each other.

There have been so many pundits talking about how this economic crisis has forced us to live within our means. Perhaps that is true, at least for the ones who got shafted by the crisis as opposed to the ones who brought it about. However I think there is a greater message coming out of this crisis. That message is - We need to be there for each other. Maybe it's about money. Maybe it's about emotional support. I don't know. But we need to pay attention to the suffering. We need to ask for help whatever that help might mean. We need to be willing to give help. In fact we might be doing both at once. The rugged individualist needs to get parked on the side of the road. Bill Moyers once said that the old saw of "Live and let live" should be "Live and help live." Maybe it's just listening. Maybe it's challenging someone to look at their situation in a different way. Maybe it's a hug. I think that somewhere along the way we lost something. A sense of community has been missing in a lot of places. You hear people saying all the time that neighborhoods used to be where everybody knew each other. Now hardly anybody knows each other. I'm a facebook and twitter user(not doing twitter now) but I do believe there is a danger there that we become more isolated even in the midst of social media. Rollo May the noted existential psychotherapist commented in the 70's that television itself was actually reinforcing isolation. It was bringing Johnny Carson into people's homes every night but no one really knew the people themselves. It was and still is a strange one way relationship. 

We need to take the time to listen. We need to be interested enough to interact. This doesn't mean we have to sit through endless complaining sessions from people. The trick is to separate the general complaining and whining from the hurt and scrambling and desperation that is everywhere. We hear the numbers every day. But numbers are abstract. Ram Dass said we love to make the concrete abstract because that allows us to not really engage the situation. 

It is a tough time right now. We need to engage the situation. We need to be there for each other.