Give Support Not Platitudes

There are a lot of platitudes out there that have a lot of truth in them. Most of them have to do with being a positive person - "An attitude of gratitude" - " See it as a challenge instead of a problem" - "Say thank you every morning for waking up." I don't have a problem with any of those thoughts.

However, if someone is in the middle of a crisis, whether it be health related or not, and they are struggling to stay on top of the problem and perhaps not doing too well at it, they don't need to hear a platitude. A platitude, during a crisis, distances the person saying it from the person who is supposed to benefit. A platitude, almost by definition, is meant to be taken in by groups of people and thought about and perhaps debated. It is not a personal reaching out as such. So when a person needs a personal reaching out, perhaps they are scared or angry or frustrated, reach out with your heart and hands not with your platitude book.

Many times people know those platitudes and probably agree with them, but right at the present they are not pulling it off very well. They might even be berating themselves, "I should be handling this better," "I know better than this." When they are in that state the platitude almost sounds like a reprimand. Sometimes people say platitudes because they don't know how to help with the problem the person is facing. If you are with someone who is seriously ill or who has lost a loved one, it can be scary to think that you are supposed to do something helpful when you don't really have a clue what to do. The platitude becomes the easy way out. Don't fall for the trap. You might say, "I wish I could do something specific to help you, but I don't know what it is. But I'm here with you and I'll support you as best as I can." Or maybe you can ask, "How would you like me to help?" Maybe what they want you can or can't do and you can respond to that, but at least you are making a gesture, a real gesture of support. If a loved one or friend is in a crisis be a helper, a supporter, not a lecturer or preacher. Let your humanity shine through.

Comments

[soulMerlin]

Hi Scott ~ Some really good sense here. The gesture of help is always the thing. During my hard times, I have always been uplifted by a simple "Anything I can do to help?"

xhenry

ps: I'd forgotten how good your writing is (not a platitude) :)

[Ann Evanston]

Sometimes I think when I person is in crisis the next best thing is to be specific about how you can help. Sometimes they cannot even answer "how can I help you?"! So You might try: "Can I help get the dishes done?" for example.

Ann Evanston Warrior-Preneur