Most of us have been raised to facilitate conversations. Little things like nodding the head or saying, "you're not kidding," or "that must have sucked," or "I know what you mean." These things all imply that you want the person to keep talking. It's hard to break that habit but break it we must if we want the perpetual bitchers to shut up.
Now don't get me wrong, a direct "Shut up," has its place but I really think it should be a last resort. Just don't facilitate misery or crap. Don't give eye contact when the same old b.s. is coming down the pike. When they're done with a line or two or twenty of bitching, change the subject. Don't even link the new subject to whatever the person said. Just change the subject.
One of the nice things about short attention spans is that many times the person will just go with you. They'll forget what the hell they were talking about. I once had a second year teacher tell me she would have rather had lunch outside, naked, in a windstorm than eat in the teacher's lounge where she worked. I have always thought that wouldn't it be nice if the bitcher was the one leaving the room. I'm not against just telling the person who is the perpetual bitcher that you would rather not talk about that stuff. That's probably the most mature, adult thing to do. And it probably will blow up in your face. If you want my opinion save that for the second to last option before "Shut up."
You're probably thinking that would be great if it wasn't for the fact that almost everybody is a perpetual bitcher. Even though it seems that way sometimes, I don't really think that's true. I think that for many people it is just a habit and if one or two people keep changing the direction into something beyond bitching many people will follow. And if they don't change, don't bitch to me about it. I'll be talking about that great sunset I saw.
Hi Scott,
Thanks for stopping by my weblog, the sleep walking is creepy. My doctor said some people have even emailed him during a sleep walking episode.
Posted by: adrienne | March 29, 2008 at 10:02 PM
Your writing here is wonderfully punchy and blunt. I laughed because it is so true about human nature. Your practical advice about not responding or encouraging the crap is very useful. Because I can sometimes tend to think I'm "supposed" to do the polite thing and say, "uh huh", "mmm uh", "aaw, that's too bad", "oh well, better luck next time", etc. : ) : ) And meanwhile I'm climbing the walls. So to suggest simply changing the subject and not connecting it to the crap in any way is DELIGHTFUL. I LOVE IT!!! Now, THAT I can do...anyone can do. And I KNOW that doing the polite thing doesn't help anybody -- it only reinforeces the idea that "crap spewing" is okay. Thanks!
Posted by: RainforestRobin | March 30, 2008 at 03:36 PM
We are indeed of like minds. Keen observations accompanied by proposed solutions - what a concept! I maintain a "no bitching zone" around me by practices similar to these, and they are effective. I've found that more often than not, changing the subject does not make the conversation last any longer, as the perpetual bitcher was really only interested in the sound of his or her own voice and opinions, so a quick change of subject is usually enough to make them GO AWAY! (However, one must avoid bringing up something interesting - I do find that part a challenge.) :)
Posted by: Rachel S | March 30, 2008 at 06:45 PM
testing
Posted by: Scott Sheperd | March 31, 2008 at 10:47 AM
Q= How many thespians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A= Forty - One to change the bulb and 39 to stand around and say "I could have done that!"
We need to bitch. It is our human right.
henry
Posted by: soulMerlin | April 10, 2008 at 09:12 PM