Give support not platitudes

There are a lot of platitudes out there that have a lot of truth in them. Most of them have to do with being a positive person - "An attitude of gratitude" - " See it as a challenge instead of a problem" - "Say thank you every morning for waking up." I don't have a problem with any of those thoughts.

However, if someone is in the middle of a crisis, whether it be health related or not, and they are struggling to stay on top of the problem and perhaps not doing too well at it, they don't need to hear a platitude. A platitude, during a crisis, distances the person saying it from the person who is supposed to benefit. A platitude, almost by definition, is meant to be taken in by groups of people and thought about and perhaps debated. It is not a personal reaching out as such. So when a person needs a personal reaching out, perhaps they are scared or angry or frustrated, reach out with your heart and hands not with your platitude book.

Many times people know those platitudes and probably agree with them, but right at the present they are not pulling it off very well. They might even be berating themselves, "I should be handling this better," "I know better than this." When they are in that state the platitude almost sounds like a reprimand. Sometimes people say platitudes because they don't know how to help with the problem the person is facing. If you are with someone who is seriously ill or who has lost a loved one, it can be scary to think that you are supposed to do something helpful when you don't really have a clue what to do. The platitude becomes the easy way out. Don't fall for the trap. You might say, "I wish I could do something specific to help you, but I don't know what it is. But I'm here with you and I'll support you as best as I can." Or maybe you can ask, "How would you like me to help?" Maybe what they want you can or can't do and you can respond to that, but at least you are making a gesture, a real gesture of support. If a loved one or friend is in a crisis be a helper, a supporter, not a lecturer or preacher. Let your humanity shine through.

Comments

[Fighting Fatigue/Sandy]

This is a great post. How true it is that at times of crisis we mainly just want someone to listen. Sometimes people will say things that do not help the situation at all and makes us patients feel worse.

[Michelle]

I cannot agree more. There are times when you are grieving that the only thing that makes you feel better is staying in bed with the blanket over your head. YES, you are depressed and working through it under the covers is often more healing than meaningless, yet well meant, words. One day is usually good enough for me, then my back starts to hurt and I have to get up.

[Tamera]

Perfect!